I once believed...

Alone again. Alone this night.

Dwelling on my dreams and fears.

Alone again, no more light.

So many failures bring the tears.

I once could dream.

I once believed.

I fear I will never dream again.

I am alone

Sometimes the past is better left in the past.

But always that advice comes from one who speaks from experience.

People always want more in their life

and when part of their past is missing it is natural to want to discover it.

Sometimes at any cost.

I have a hidden past.

Not hidden as much as it once was, but still hidden.

The parts I have learned, uncovered,

are proof positive that the past is better left in the past.

Still, I cannot seem to leave well enough alone.

Surely acquiring knowledge you were better off not knowing

does not entice one to continue on down that path? So why then?

Why must I continue this journey?

I suppose, because it is MY journey.

It is the only journey I have travelled.

I think it is natural, it is compelling,

to want to know all about each and every stop I made

on the journey that brought me to this point in my life.

Perhaps in doing this I will be more able to carry on, positively.

Perhaps not.

There is risk. Always.

But I have always liked taking risks.

Perhaps because I never knew the comfort of the known,

the unknown was just as enticing?

One regret. No matter how many people surround me, I am alone.

Why have I been burdened with such a curse as loneliness?

Tell Me God

The tragedies of children wrought

when the Devil takes their innocence.

A mother's soul this Devil sought,

but that knowing is of little consequence.

And thus my childhood began,

fearing the fists of a drunken man.

But I don't think I escaped the Devil's plan,

even though I'm the "luckiest" of my clan.

Time heals all wounds is the biggest lie,

as years turn into decades past.

The pain is worse as each year goes by,

why can't I find happiness that lasts?

So tell me God, creator of earth,

what good you see in a child's tears?

What value a child's soul from birth?

What right have you to impose these fears?

Am I bitter? I guess I am.

For decades dancing to the Devil's plan.

While with just one wave of your hand,

you could have shown me the promised land.

The Promise

I can't afford to live like this,
and I can't afford to die.
I want to know whose path I'm on,
don't say it's mine 'cause that's a lie.

The picture turned out different
than the promises of youth.
The sun I'm seeking's hidden by
the clouds of my life's truth.

The hills were steep and the valleys low,
still I arrived just where I am.
I may not have that much to give
but you can have all that I am.

I look up and He looks down,
and His message is so true.
All I need is you to pray to me,
and I promise to pray for you.

Time will tell and time won't lie.
Hearts will bleed and souls will cry.
The power of prayer will get us by,
but we'll never know if we don't try.

This is how I want to live,
this is how I want to die.