...at least Jesus was betrayed with a kiss.

Next month will mark the 14th anniversary of when my wife of 29 years and 4 months decided she no longer wanted to be married. She simply preferred to be on her own.

She handed me a piece of paper with her lawyer's contact information and told me to find a lawyer of my own.

So much for, "for better or worse".

So much for, "until death do us part".

So much for, "Love is patient, love is kind,...love never fails".

So much for family life.

So much for growing old together with a trusted friend that knows you like no other. Trust...a word I may never be able to trust again.

Move on? I've tried. A couple times. But as the song goes, 'you can't make old friends'. As a child my birth mother betrayed me and instilled in me the determination to find a forever partner. An until-death-do-us-part partner. Someone to celebrate a 50th and 60th anniversary with... but I failed. And now that just isn't possible. No amount of wanting to move on can change that.

A simple piece of paper and my life, my future, as I had hoped and planned, was gone forever.

Amazing the power one little piece of paper can yield...at least Jesus was betrayed with a kiss.

Waiting For The End

Married.
Did the vows.
A covenant between me, her, God.
For better or worse.
Richer or poorer.
Death do us part.
Yadda, yadda, yadda…
30 years later and she just wanted to be by herself.
Forget the covenant.
Forget the vows.
Forget we had a family…we WERE a family.
And God? Gone AWOL.
My life? Also gone AWOL.
That was my life.
The only life I ever wanted.
But she wanted to be alone.
"Selfish" doesn't quite cover it…
Anyway, I guess daughters naturally gravitate to mothers.
So here I am.
On the outside looking in.
Waiting for the end.

Please God. I Need to Retire.

I can't see how retiring right now, without winning a lottery, is possible. I don't need much, but I need something. If it was a big enough lottery I'd travel as well, likely non-stop. But I'd settle for just being able to retire. I am just so tired. So very tired…

WTF

I'm driving a '68 Chevelle Malibu,

my grandmother's old car,

along old Finch in Scarborough.

Going through a dark train tunnel,

with a few high school friends crowded in.

Pink Floyd's The Wall on 8-track.

"Is there anybody out there?" chilling...

Don't recall where we were heading.

Nowhere, probably. 

Warm Summer nights, mid 70s.

Just driving. Being teenagers.

The next day I woke up and I'm 62.

WTF!?

I wish I still had that old car.

I wish I still had those old friends.

I wish...

Wedding Vows

Before I was married

I learned about wedding vows. 

The covenant of love between two people, 

and between that couple and God. 

The couple pledges faithfulness to God.

And in return receive God’s grace to sustain them,

as individuals and as a couple.

Truly blessed.

And I believed this wholeheartedly.

I was such an idiot.

Easter?

Happy Easter!

No? That's not you?

Well then, Chag Sameach!

No again? Passover is not you either?

Who are you then?

The sun? The moon? The Buddha?

Whoever you are, may the blessings 

you hold in your heart be known to you this day.

Regrets...

I spent the first 50 years of my life
making sure I didn't have any regrets
in the final years of my life.
I failed...

And none of us ever find out why

And we all live
And we all die
And we all struggle to get by

But still we laugh
And still we cry
And none of us ever find out why